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| so i lied, i've lied to everyone... i'm not ok. this happy go lucky ryan that you know doesn't exist. i'm not ok i just tell you that because thats what you want to hear. everyday i wake up broken and a little closer to done. i break down on almost a daily basis now, its been on the increase. i seem confident, but i doubt my every decision. everything i do, everywhere i am reminds me and tears me down a little more. i've never been so close, but i'm so tired, oh so tired. my life shattered and every time i try to start piecing it back together, it breaks into smaller pieces. i'm not as strong as you think SO STOP FUCKING RELYING ON ME!! this isn't some quiet plea for help, i don't want help, i know the downward spiral and will either slow the descent or stop trying to. i'm sorry, i'm sorry i lied, i'm sorry i still can't tell you and will continue with this lie until it becomes a truth or it breaks me. i've failed everyone, i've failed myself, i've failed my love. i've failed and i'm sorry...
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| wow, aug 10, 2004. has it really been that long. shit how things have changed. my friends, my life, my love. i've moved 3 times, bout to make it 4. got married and lost XBL. its funny how we never see life coming at us, kinda like a bus, one second we're jay-walking, the next *WHAMMY* we've become a hood ornament. and you can never tell where that bus is heading, could be greener pastures or just as easily smog choked streets of gloom. not saying i'm not happy, just that life comes at you way to frickin' fast. honestly, i kinda hate it. anyway, if anyone out there that used to know me, drop me a line, let me know i still have a life line out there. later dayz | | |
| so i'm playin' rainbow 6:black arrow and CRASH... look out the window thinkin my friends 2003 eclipse gt just got broken into see a white chevy astro mini-van pulling out. so i run down and nooooo, its not his but mine...AGAIN... some motherfucker busted out my fuckin' window, so we light out with the loaded .45 and can't find the bastards... anyways, so again i'm without a driverside window and no money to fix it.... ever ask yourself why your not dead yet, i know i am, no fuckin reason for me to waste oxygen anymore... | | |
| so we got a new member to our blog ring, and she actually invited the founders to a game...
pretty cool, or obsessive about xbl...which is what this blog ring is about. so intentionally playing my worst, or at least thats what i'll tell everyone, i was able to die before the halfway point of the 1st 2 lvls played... once by sher, but it was a head shot so shows marksmanship and most of my friends who play shoot me, as i will them, for laughs alone... so far i have to say my fav member of the XBL blog ring yet, well besides myself of course...
one thing i forgot to add, primarily to bane, i required no reminders for this update, *sniff* i'm finally being responsible for something... now if i could just use this in the other aspects of my life... | | |
| everyones favorite dumb ass car thief derik john spear. | | |
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